Log in

"Baaaaah," says Frank.   
11:26pm 22/09/2004
mood: blah
when i smile i feel fake. maybe it's just the mood i'm in. i just feel so... dead right now. of course tomorrow when i go to school i'll be all yay and stuff so that when i get home i feel even more fake than i did. i wish that every day you could just start whatever you wanted over. like if you wished you'd never started talking to someone you could just ignore them and they'd ignore you. or if you wished you knew someone you could just walk up and be like hey let's hug and it'd be like you were the best of friends. and the people you hated would just trip and fall flat on their faces every time you thought about them. i feel like death. yay. clint is going to let me and lurr make him up with all the pretty colors of the rainbow if we want for homecoming. FANtastic. i talked to someone today that i rarely talk to and feel retarded talking to. when i told him about my tat and where it was placed, he said it was provacative and very me in that way... yay. i'm leaving now. heart xtc
chikita banana   
11:47pm 21/09/2004
mood: thirsty
wow. i missed informing people of my current doings in this bitch. i stole this from lurr's diary cuz it was funny: You Know You're a Pothead When... You think the song "Truckin'" by the Grateful Dead should replace the national anthem. Your music collection is worth more than your vehicle. Your bong is taller than your dog. It takes you more than 30 minutes to roll a joint. You set your wedding date for 4/20. You take off April 20th every year and treat it as a holiday. You spent your last bit of money to score some herbs and don't have enough gas money to get home but you don't care. You start every sentence with - uhhh!. You intentionally roll seeds in your joints on independence day so you can hear the popping because you don't have money to buy fireworks. You eat at Taco Bell more than 8 times a week. You wear sunglasses at night, and see better. You go to the corner store and the clerk automatically tosses a pack of rolling papers on the counter. Your pot tray is fuller than your refrigerator. Your bong gets washed more than your dishes. You sell your car for gas money You are the only tobacco smoker in the room and you look at the cigarette in the ashtray and ask, "Is that my cigarette?" You're eating something on your way home thinking about what you're gonna eat when you get home! Every cylinderical object you see, turns into plans on a new smoking device.... Just to be religous, you observe 4:20 in every time zone. Someone has ever come up to you on the street and said "Hi" and you said "Yep." You thought the ebola virus was a type of weed. You think being stoned to death would be a damn good way to go out. You have ever smoked pot before 8 o'clock in the morning. You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other pothead friends. haha yeah. wow. if i had a car, i'd go to taco bell every day. ...twice. YUM. but yeah. i was explaining to my brother why soy and rice milk is better for you than normal milk. i couldn't get graphic tho. that would be bad. clint likes me. i think it's the cutest thing. so i made him a pretty hemp bracelet with glow in the dark beads. it was rainbowy. YAY. hm. he was all excited when i put it on him. station wagons are my favorite things... i feel good i feel energized! i feel like taking on the world tonite! i feel like everlasting.. BOOTYCAKES!! yeesssss... okay. i'm gonna go look up drugs so i can be informed about my hobbies. much love. heart xtc.
     Read 1 - Post
scooby snacks   
12:44am 23/08/2004
mood: high
well. another few days in my life. i hung out with merv friday night. went to the mall, then to isaac's with ashley and lianna (liana?) i love her so much, she's such a sweetie. adrianne woke me up at noon saturday and asked me to help babysit the two little boys she'd brought with her and i got up just for her. we went to the mall after they left and got some weed from ally (cuz she owes me). we rented two movies (the dreamers and new york minute - yeah the olsen twins' latest), went home and smoked after watching the olsen flick. we were so high, it was ridiculous - the highest either of us had been i think. it was sexy. but we both fell asleep. at like 2. we woke up like five times before actually getting up, her at 1, me at 2. we made breakfast then, a new york minute later, her parents came home as we left for centennial park. we went on a three mile walk around that then we went to quiznos and got free food cuz the guys working were too lazy to ring us up, and were so excited about it. i got a tamagatchi and hers and mine connected. yay!
fucking hell.   
02:29am 30/07/2004
mood: frustrated
It just feels so much sometimes like nobody ever fucking listens to me. I don’t ask for a whole lot from my mom, I’m a little demanding of my friends when I’m around them, but I’m rarely get upset about much.
It feels like every event is a different day and there’s only one emotion linked to each “day” so every day is like a few days, a week even if it’s an eventful day. For example, today:
“day” 1 – going out with my little brother to the mall and movies. Emotion: happy.
“day” 2 – going out to dinner with him and my mom and talking about how pushy I am and how I can’t get my permit until I’ve had a job for 3 months and no license until I’ve saved up $1500. Emotion: frustrated.
“day” 3 – coming home and cleaning so I can earn a ticket to warped tour and a ticket to the cure. Emotion: tiring, frustrating.
“day” 4 – cleaning my bathroom drawers, etc. so mom sees that I’m not completely irresponsible. Emotion: even more tiring.
That is one damn exhausting/frustrating day I’d think.
I’m trying to convince my mom that I’m okay to get my permit and she’s convinced that I ought not to just yet. (try a couple years eh?)
One of my dogs is really sick, was in the hospital today for observation, and has to go in tomorrow. They had to shave part of her front arms to stick needles in her. And along with all of this, I’m trying to prevent Marilyn from getting sick too.
I’m trying to work off two tickets (a total of about $120) but cleaning, which I do all the time anyway and no one notices.
I’m frustrated because I need this job.
I’m frustrated because in the year and a half that I’ve lived in this miserable room, the only progress we’ve made toward making it mine is getting a bed.
I’m frustrated because half of my stuff is in storage because there’s nowhere to put it here.
I’m frustrated because I’ve texted and called my sister Britni multiple times and she texted back once while at work and never called back.
I’m frustrated because I’m hungry. (Seriously too, don’t laugh)
I’m frustrated because I work so damn hard and I’m rarely given credit for it (meaning here and by my mom and Kevin).
I’m frustrated because nothing I say ever comes out right to *someone* and I’m always upsetting that *mystery* person somehow.
I’m frustrated because I’m trying so hard to be a good, diligent kid right now and it still isn’t enough.
In order to graduate early, I’m taking 9 classes this coming year.
I finished off the school year with B and C averages for the YEAR in all of my classes (which is great considering I failed 2 of them).
I’m getting a job.
I’m cleaning like crazy so work off something that a lot of my friends’ parents would just buy them.
Back to frustrations…
I’m frustrated because I want to be out with my friends.
I’m frustrated because Adrianne and I never talk.
I’m frustrated because Lauren’s always out with Suzie.
I’m frustrated because I don’t have any ciggies. *pout*
I’m frustrated because it’s 2:30 as I type this and I’m awake.
I’m frustrated because I’m damn responsible and I’m a damn good kid, but FUCK THAT. It’s not good enough.
My next step out to be finishing school instead of beauty school.
And seriously HOW MANY PEOPLE set a goal to go through at least two, if not three, different schools because they WANT TO?!?!?!?!?
I should write a note to my mom saying all this BUT.... no.
I’m done.
     Read 1 - Post
11:37pm 26/07/2004
mood: drained
good god. what an awful day. got kinda high last night. was asleep by like 4ish and had to get up at 9ish. god i'm tired. watching over a sick dog is draining
11:55pm 20/07/2004
mood: tired
fuckin hell. my brother is fucking psychotic. he has serious anger management issues to deal with yet, mere minutes after he bitches about me, i slave over grilled cheese, tomato soup, and cookies for him and kyle. DAMN. i'm tired. i have to get up tomorrow at like 8-ish. it's terribly annoying. mucho kisses. love err.
     Read 3 - Post
yay first entry mmbitch   
12:15am 20/07/2004
mood: indifferent
alright. so i've got me a new journal. i guess it's no more weedweb for me. this is like my 4th new journal this year, not counting handwritten ones. *sigh* i'm damn tired. it's 12:15 in the a.m. alright. i suppose that's all i'll right for now. for a proper introduction in case you don't know me... read my profile.
sweet kumquats bitches!
     Read 1 - Post